On my 23rd b-day…
I know this about myself:
- I’ve a newfound first-hand appreciation for the half-smoked cigarette butt, picked up later in the day after too long a period of jonesing
- I need to learn how to take a step back and breathe, on my own
- My body gets too many cues from my mind and, if I don’t stop resenting it for lashing out, eventually this will bleed into reality, to horrific results
- I’m seeing myself from farther away than I used to during my teens – recoiling from staring this bit of reality in the face: I’m the “bad guy” in my own life’s story
- I use prosthetic wants to tuck away the fairy tales I scorn as womanly and weak
- My choice of friends is erroneously grounded on looks, which yields little if any positive feedback and demands too much work on my part
- I am done being everything to everyone – a tit for tat system is the one solution I can think of which will allow me to recharge my batteries without having to coil up into my shell
- I will not be playing second fiddle to someone else anymore and if that kind of dysfunctional rapport is the only one I’m susceptible to, I will keep it in my pants or go full-on gay
- Drug of choice: crying – about anything really… which is why I’d like to thank the Universe for a past year filled with enough reasons to make me feel spoilt for choice
- Most nerve-racking imbalance: how to be feminine without being branded a valley girl and a feminist without being branded a “dike”
Men are like packaged food for me: mouth-watering enough to crave, when on a shelf and out of reach, but much too easy to get to the bottom of, once sampled- I will pay better heed to Samson’s fable when I feel the urge to change something about myself again
- I’m amassing all kinds of scenes from film plots, at a subconscious level – of course, I wouldn’t normally be aware of this, except the Id takes over the rudder every time there’s the slightest chance to act out those scenes in real life; my mind just takes a backseat when the itch kicks in…
- … Which brings me to my adaptive super-ego: it’s giving “das Es” a run for its money; it’s a bully
- I will more readily shut people out rather than leaving the choice up to them and risking self-exposure
- The single species on this Earth that I can stand inside my personal space without succumbing to the habit of expectation reflection: cats
- Otherwise, nature does not agree with me – it’s too alive
- Cigarettes trigger my masochistic instincts via vivid visuals; my relationship with food is of a more aggressive and outer-bodily sadistic kind, which is why I choose not to address it
- I have no intrinsic standards or morals – my only catalyst in acting is love, of self and others
- I am finding meanness to be quite the zennifying outlet, and so I’m honing it, for when I’ll grow the balls to actually use it on people who aren’t blood-conditioned to love me no matter what
I like your style so much!
Happy birthday!
“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius
“If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want.”
Oscar Wilde
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
Winston Churchill
http://www.ted.com/talks/rory_sutherland_life_lessons_from_an_ad_man.html
Love you, babe